God, is that from you?

   Recently, while visiting with some friends and family, we started exchanging missionary stories.  I told of an event that happened on my mission that raised my heart rate a bit.  Let's just say I was in a foreign country, speaking to 4 police officers and was without my passport.  Not exactly a comfortable situation.  It all turned out ok and, thankfully, I didn't have to spend any time in the pokey.  ;)  However, when I left my friends and family that day, I had the distinct impression that maybe I had misspoke.  It was perplexing and the more I thought about it, the more I wondered if I had offended the spirit.  I thought back to the conversation and asked myself: 

1) did I offend those with whom I spoke?  I didn't think so.  

2) was it truthful? yes. I know my memory isn't what it use to be but this experience rattled me enough to leave a lasting impression on me. 

3) was it relevant to the conversation?  Maybe reminiscing about mission experiences that happened 20+ years ago have lost their humor and or impact.  That could be true but I didn't think it was something that would make me feel like I did something wrong.  It was a weird sensation and I tried to understand it.  Later when I prayed,  I wondered out loud what was causing me so much distress.  It was when I applied the word distress to the feeling that I realized that maybe this wasn't from the spirit, that maybe this was one of those misty, confusing, fearful feelings that doesn't come from Father in Heaven but from the master of lies himself.  My, my he is sneaky one.  He knows exactly where the weak spots in my armor are and his aim is mighty accurate.  His weapon of choice was the arrow of doubt.  He makes it easy for a person to doubt memory, experiences and ability to express them.  

   I realized, quite suddenly as it turned out, that these feelings do not come from the spirit.  To be clear, I understand that when the spirit is offended because of something I have said or done, I know it!  Unfortunately for me, that is an all to often occurrence (sadly) but this time it just felt different.  As I was pondering about this whole experience, I had the thought that maybe I am still in kindergarten, spiritually speaking.  I'm still trying to learn my letters and the sounds they make, wishing I could put them together in sentences that make sense.  Furthermore, it feels like I have been in spiritual kindergarten for a heck of a long time.  I must have one thick skull!  My Teacher keeps hitting me over the head with that spiritual 2x4 and those knocks just don't seem to sink in.  Just when I think I get it, I realize how little I do not understand.  It can be a little daunting to think I may have to spend the next 10000+ years in spiritual kindergarten.  I just hope they have lots of chocolate pudding and recesses to help me through.  Ha!  One thing I do believe is that when Heavenly Father speaks to us, it is meant to calm us, help us, give us confidence and lift our burdens.  That is something I have been trying to hold on to so when that spiteful, confidence killer, lucifer comes around in my mind, I just tell him to get lost and leave me in peace.  The best part is, he has to listen to me and leave.  That must drive him batty!  Awesome